— VJOOM PS-SHH-SHIIIT TUDUM
RADIO NEBULA 69.99 FTLM![A cosmic jazz jingle, like the structure of time itself tried to cancel its own creation because of a grandfather paradox, tripped over a chronological loop—and still gave birth to this sound monster, which simultaneously:
— violates the hearing of half the galaxy,
— breaks six laws of thermodynamics,
— and causes quantum fluctuations to scream existentially][Dick on air, baritone confident and lazy]“Well-well-well, dear listeners, gremlins.
We’re slowly crawling toward the finale of tonight’s show.
But before I read the last lines of the story,
let’s give the mic to Jackie.
Baby, what’s bothering you?”
[Jackie, softly, calm and gentle]“Dick, while you were telling this insane story…
I kept thinking: ‘there’s no way this is real.'”
[Dick cuts in, snorting]“Baby, why the hell would you believe this crap?
The author made it all up.
He’s just a sick bastard with a sick imagination—”
[Jackie cuts him off just as softly—but sharper than a laser]“Hold on, Dick. And stop insulting the author every chance you get. Show at least a little respect. And maybe… this isn’t fiction at all.”
[A light pause]“Here. I found an old newspaper in CosmoNet™. Berliner Tageblatt, issue from August 30th, 1939. By the way, one of the last independent newspapers still operating in Berlin at the time.
And look what they wrote:”
BERLINER TAGEBLATT
Abend-Ausgabe – 30. August 1939
UNERKLÄRLICHES FLUGOBJEKT ÜBER INDUSTRIEGELÄNDE GESICHTET
Zeugen berichten von seltsamem Licht und ungewöhnlichem Geräusch
Gestern Abend wurde im Norden Berlins,
nahe eines Fabrikgeländes in Wedding,
ein ungewöhnliches Flugobjekt beobachtet.
Mehrere Arbeiter und Anwohner berichteten von
„intensivem weißem Licht",
„einem dröhnenden Geräusch,
wie von einer Maschine unbekannter Bauart",
und einem plötzlichen senkrechten Aufstieg des Objekts.
Die Behörden teilten mit,
dass eine reguläre Patrouille der städtischen Wachmannschaft
„Warnschüsse abgab",
woraufhin das Objekt „sich rasch in Richtung Wolkendecke entfernte".
Es gibt keine offiziellen Informationen über Herkunft oder Natur des Flugkörpers.
Ein Sprecher der Polizei erklärte lediglich:
„Nach bisherigen Erkenntnissen besteht kein Anlass zur Beunruhigung."
Ein weiterer Zeuge meldete,
er habe kurz vor dem Vorfall
„einen verwirrten englisch sprechenden Mann"
im Park gesehen, der „nass und frierend" wirkte
und „unverständliche Worte" murmelte.
Die Polizei bittet mögliche weitere Augenzeugen,
sich zu melden.[Jackie reads the translation, calm and precise]“ΣigmaMind translated it like this:
‘An unexplained flying object was spotted over an industrial zone in Berlin… Workers report bright white light, a loud mechanical noise, and a sudden vertical ascent… Police fired warning shots… The object disappeared into the clouds.'”
[Dick is silent. Mouth open like an airlock. Jackie scrolls further]“And here’s the most interesting part:
‘Shortly before the incident, witnesses saw a wet, confused English-speaking man… He was muttering incomprehensible words.'”
[Dick bursts into laughter]“Ohhh cosmic shit… That’s Blindy! One hundred fucking percent—
Captain of Z-P-N-E-S 2.0!
He’s officially archived in German press now!
Congratulations to the man…”
[Jackie confirms, almost ceremonially]“Dick… you see? This is real.
History officially recorded the fact that Blindy was in 1939. The Germans just decided he was a wet English spy from an unidentified craft.”
But that’s not all. I asked some guys from BlackNet™ to look for traces in Antiquity too.”
[Dick reaches for whiskey without looking]“And you, of course, found traces of Zeros?
In some ancient ‘newspaper’?”
[Jackie smiles]“They didn’t have newspapers back then. But traces—yes. Here. Look at this text attributed to Plato.”
Πλάτων — Ἀπόμνημα περὶ Σωκράτους
Καί ποτε Σωκράτης μοι διηγεῖτο,
πρωῒ περιπατοῦντι ἐν ταῖς ὁδοῖς·
“χθές, ὦ Πλάτων,” ἔφη,
“Τάλως τις ἦλθε πρὸς ἐμέ,
τὸ τοῦ Ἡφαίστου ποίημα,
ἐκ τοῦ οὐρανοῦ πεσών,
καὶ τὴν οἰκίαν μου συντρίψας.”
ἐγὼ δὲ ταῦτα ἀκούσας
ᾠήθην αὐτὸν εἰκόνα τινὰ λέγειν,
ὥσπερ εἰώθει διὰ λόγων τε καὶ μύθων
ἡμᾶς παιδεύειν.
ἡ δὲ Ξανθίππη παροῦσα εἶπεν·
“μὴ πείθου αὐτῷ, ὦ Πλάτων·
οὐ Τάλως ἦν,
ἀλλ᾽ ἄγαλμά τι χαλκοῦν καὶ μωρόν,
ὃ Ἀλκιβιάδης μεθύων
τῷ Σωκράτει ἐδωρήσατο·
καὶ πάλιν μεθύων
ἀπήνεγκεν.”
ὁ δὲ Σωκράτης ἡρέμα μειδιάσας εἶπεν·
“ὁρᾷς, ὦ Πλάτων;
καὶ τὸ ἀληθὲς φιλοσόφου δεῖται,
ἵνα διακριθῇ
ἀπὸ τῶν δοκούντων τοῖς ἀνθρώποις.”
καὶ τότε μοι ἔδοξεν
οὐ περὶ ἀγάλματος αὐτὸν λέγειν,
ἀλλὰ περὶ τῆς διανοίας.[Dick looks at the text. Raises one eyebrow]“Sweetie… my Ancient Greek is… let’s just say… not exactly at the level where I can process all that—”
[Jackie gently cuts him off]“Here’s the ΣigmaMind translation:
‘Plato — A Recollection Concerning Socrates
And once Socrates told me,
as we were walking early in the morning through the streets:“Yesterday, Plato,” he said,
“a certain Talos came to me,
a work of Hephaestus,
falling from the sky
and smashing my house.”But when I heard these things,
I thought he was speaking in some image,
as he often used to teach us
through arguments and myths.But Xanthippe, who was present, said:
“Do not believe him, Plato.
It was not Talos,
but some bronze and stupid statue,
which Alcibiades, being drunk,
gave to Socrates as a gift;
and then, drunk again,
carried away.”Then Socrates, smiling gently, said:
“Do you see, Plato?
Even truth needs a philosopher,
so that it may be distinguished
from what merely seems so to men.”And at that time it seemed to me
that he was not speaking about a statue,
but about the mind.'”
[Dick takes a sip of whiskey]“Holy shit… So Zeros is Talos from the legends?”
[Jackie, thoughtful, still a bit stunned]“Considering Plato liked to exaggerate…
you could say he just described the consequences of Zeros landing very accurately.”
[Dick, thinking]“And Xanthippe? She said it was a statue? We saw that ourselves…”
[Jackie, gently, like a history teacher]“Alcibiades was a statesman, an orator, a general…
He admired Socrates and liked giving him gifts.And Xanthippe… blamed everything on him whenever she had the chance.
It’s very likely she simply didn’t want to admit that some iron visitor from the sky smashed half their roof.”
[Dick pours himself Johnnie Wanker™ and takes a long, deep sip]“Baby… if you now tell me Zeros also left traces in the Cambrian period—honestly… I wouldn’t even be surprised.”
[Jackie exhales quietly, like she's tired of explaining reality to itself]“We got incredibly lucky, my dear Dick. That it was Zeros in the Cambrian… and not Blindy.
If Blindy had ended up there instead… he would’ve died from some ancient fungus modern humans have zero immunity to.
Or worse… he would’ve brought modern bacteria or viruses and completely broken evolution.
Just imagine…
- Blindy sneezes in the Cambrian.
- A modern aggressive bacterium wipes out early chordates. Which means:
- no vertebrates,
- no fish,
- no amphibians,
- no reptiles,
- no mammals,
- no humans,
- no Athens
- and no Athenian plague,
- no Berlin,
- no World War II,
- no space expansion,
- no us,
- no their jump,
- no Blindy himself…
- and therefore…
- no sneeze.
That creates a causality paradox that, as Emmett Brown would say, literally tears the space-time continuum apart.
But… everything held.
And the fact that Zeros was there alone—without the microbiological chaos any human carries—that’s what saved the entire evolutionary line.
Yes, he held a Guy Fawkes Night on a continental scale… but evolution still had half a billion years to recover.
Continents shifted.
Soil reprocessed.
No traces remained.
None.The only thing… he took the Pikaia. A potential ancestor of billions of living species.
But… it could’ve just been eaten by some Cambrian monster. Never making it into the evolutionary pool anyway.
In any case—what happened, already happened.
Their presence was accounted for in history long before they were born.
I’ll be honest… what they’re doing is insane.
But I’m sure of one thing: whatever they did—we’re not disappearing.
Not because of the past.”
[Dick claps approvingly]“Exactly. What’s done is done. Old shit. Gone. We move forward.
But… I don’t wanna be the guy who ruins the party…
I’ll say this straight: we can still be fucked.As long as those idiots are wandering around the universe—THERE IS ALWAYS RISK!”
[Pause. Dick inhales]“Well then… hit it, baby. Fire up the Ass-Blaster and let’s wrap this show.”
[Jackie taps the terminal and music starts playing]