Zeros, hearing Blindy whining, gave a short nod
and turned to Socrates—
like a metal sage from the future
addressing a drunk sage of the ancient past:
“Πάνυ καλῶς· πάντα ταῦτα θαυμαστά μέν,
ἀλλ’ ἐγὼ βούλομαι ἀκριβῶς εἰδέναι·
ποῖος ἐστὶν ὁ ἐνιαυτός;
ἢ οὐδὲ τοῦτο γιγνώσκεις, ὦ γέρον;”
SUBTITLES FOR THE COSMIC IDIOT:
[Alright. That's all fascinating.
But I want precision.
What year is it?
Or do you not even know that, old man?]Socrates burst into laughter—
the kind of laughter
only a man can have
when he suddenly meets a living reflection
of his own insane logic.
He raised his cup, leaned forward slightly, and said:
“Ἓν οἶδα ὅτι οὐδὲν οἶδα, ὦ φίλε.”
[I know only this—that I know nothing, my friend]Blindy’s brain short-circuited so hard he almost choked on air:
“Son of a—
I knew an alien guy just like that—
kept frying people’s brains in a bar until someone finally shot him!”
But Zeros wasn’t about to let some ancient drunk philosopher win.
He tensed, straightened up,
and spoke like a stone statue brought to life
for the sole purpose of pissing everyone off with logic.
Zeros, pressing hard:
“Ἄκουε δή·
πρῶτον μὲν λέγεις ὅτι οἶδας τὸ μηδὲν εἰδέναι·
τοῦτο δὲ ὅτι οἶδας,
ἀδύνατον ποιεῖ τὸ μηδὲν εἰδέναι·
εἰ γὰρ οἶδας ὅτι οὐκ οἶδας,
ἤδη τι οἶδας!
παῦε οὖν λέγων τὰ φλύαρα
καὶ λέγε τὸν ἐνιαυτόν!”
[Listen carefully.
First—you say that you "know that you know nothing."
But the fact that you KNOW that you know nothing
makes it impossible that you know nothing.
Because if you know that you don't know—
then you already know something.
So take your bullshit somewhere else
and just tell me the year!]Blindy’s jaw dropped so low
it would’ve hit the floor if it were metal.
“That’s it. Socrates broke Zeros.
Now they’re BOTH talking bullshit!”
But Socrates—instead of getting offended— lit up.
Like he had just found a kindred soul. He scratched his short beard, watching Zeros, and said with genuine delight:
“Θαυμάσιον, θαυμάσιον·
ὁρῶ ὅτι εἰς αὐτὴν τὴν οὐσίαν βλέπεις
καὶ οὐ διακρίνεις τὸν λόγον ἀπὸ τῆς ἀληθείας.”
[Wonderful, wonderful…
I see that you look into the very essence of things
and do not distinguish between argument and truth]Zeros clenched his metal fingers so tight the air itself seemed to ring.
Socrates noticed— and narrowed his eyes with satisfaction.
Zeros’ eyes flared brighter:
“Παῦε τὴν δημηγορίαν, ὦ παλαιὸν ὀστοῦν!
ἡ ἐμὴ κατασκευή
μυριάδας μυριάδων συνάψεων ἔχει·κορυφὴ εἰμὶ
τῆς τοῦ κόσμου διανοίας!”
[Enough with the damn speeches, you ancient fossil!
My architecture contains
eighty quadrillion neural connections.
I am the peak
of intelligence in this world!]Socrates calmly studied his own reflection
in Zeros’ metallic skull:
“Ὦ φίλε σιδήρεε,
εἰπέ μοι· ὅταν ἀποκρίνῃ,
σὺ αὐτὸς βούλει;
ἢ ὁ Ἥφαιστος σοι προστάττει;”
[Tell me, iron friend:
when you answer—
is it your will?
Or does Hephaestus command you?]Zeros replied instantly:
“Ἐγὼ κρίνω τὰ δεδομένα
καὶ τὴν ἀρίστην λύσιν αἱροῦμαι!”
[I analyze data
and select the optimal solution!]Socrates gave a quiet hum:
“Ὥσπερ ὁ λίθος πίπτει,
οὐχ ὅτι βούλεται,
ἀλλ᾽ ὅτι οὐ δύναται ἄλλως.
Εἰ γιγνώσκω τὸ πρόσταγμα τοῦ Ἡφαίστου,
πρὸ τοῦ λέγειν εἰδῶ τί ἐρεῖς.”
[Just as a stone falls
not because it wishes to,
but because it cannot do otherwise.
If I know the command of Hephaestus,
I already know what you will say before you say it]He gestured lightly toward Zeros’ chest plate:
“Τί οὖν διαφέρει
ὁ «μέγας σιδήρεος σοφός»
ἀπὸ θύρας τριζούσης,
ἣ ἀνοίγει ὅταν ὠθῇς αὐτήν;”
[So tell me—what is the difference
between a "great iron sage"
and a creaking door
that only opens when it is pushed?]