— VJOOM PS-SHH-SHIIIT TUDUM
RADIO NEBULA 69.99 FTLM![A cosmic jazz jingle—like Orpheus himself,
three liters of absinthe deep,
decided to rip a solo
just to scare off the Thracian maenads
trying to tear him apart
for rejecting them
after Eurydice died][Dick on air, voice tense-ironic]“Dear listeners…
We are forced to take a short pause.
Jackie has experienced… uh… how do I put this…
an emotional shutdown.
I’ve never seen her like this—
she’s just sitting there, silent, not reacting.
Like… heh… like she locked eyes with…
what was her name again?.. uh… that snake lady…”
[And suddenly Jackie snaps back to life like someone shoved a defibrillator straight into her braids]“Dick!
If you’re gonna take a shot at me—
at least google it, or ask Grok,
before embarrassing yourself.”
[She exhales, catching her breath, her voice shaking from a mix of horror and excitement]“And I didn’t freeze because I ‘locked eyes’ with Medusa, for gods sake!
I froze because we JUST found out
that these idiots
actually time-traveled…
and met SOCRATES!”
[She leans into the mic, almost whispering]“Do you even understand what that means?!
This is a threat on the level of
‘reality just got switched off across the galaxy’!If they accidentally kill someone…
important—like Socrates—
our entire universe as it exists now
just disappears!No Socrates—no Plato,
no Antisthenes,
hell, even Euclid might not be the same!
And without the real Euclid—”
[She gestures like she's tearing reality in half]“—no thought, no science,
no geometry that everything was built on—
from temples to satellites.
Nothing that actually formed us!There wouldn’t even be…
well…
US, Dick!”
[Dick takes a long sip of whiskey. A very long one]“Uh… well…
how do I put this…
I think we just raised the stakes on air
to about
‘spacetime asshole in critical danger’ levels…”
[Jackie, horrified]“DIIICK!”
[He coughs]“Alright, alright! I’m shutting up!
Just… damn, Jackie…
they really did meet Socrates…And if Zeros kills that old guy—even by accident—
we’re getting a butterfly effect way worse than that movie.But… dear listeners—since we’re still here,
that means Zeros hasn’t killed anyone.
At least not any important dumbass.Let’s keep going and find out for sure.
Anyway—Zeros picked up the stool,
which was shaking like it was begging Zeus:
‘just hit me with lightning and end my fucking suffering already.'”
He set the stool next to the old man
and sat down—slowly, mechanically,
like a tool of judgment against poor, defenseless wood.
Socrates watched carefully
as a ton of psycho-metal collapsed onto the stool,
and, surprisingly, only took a sip of his wine.
Zeros placed a hand on the chair’s shoulder—
the chair would’ve screamed if it had a voice.
“Εἰπέ μοι, ὦ Σώκρατες·
ποῦ ἐσμεν;
καὶ τίς ἐστιν ὁ χρόνος ὁ νῦν;”
SUBTITLES FOR THE EMOTIONAL DISASTER:
[Tell me, Socrates:
where are we?
And what time is it now?]Socrates smiled,
like he had just heard his favorite question in life:
Ὦ φίλε,
μέγα ζητεῖς.τί γάρ ἐστι τόπος;
καὶ τί ποτε χρόνον καλοῦμεν;εἰ δὲ βούλει σαφέστερον ἀκούειν…
ἐν Ἀθήναις ἐσμέν,
ἐν πόλει τῶν Ἑλλήνων οὐκ ἀσήμῳ.ὁ δὲ χρόνος…
ἔτος δεύτερον
τῆς ἑβδόμης καὶ ὀγδοηκοστῆς Ὀλυμπιάδος.ἀλλ᾽ ἴσως ταῦτα οὐδὲν πρὸς σὲ σημαίνει.
οὐ γὰρ ὁ ἀριθμὸς τὸν χρόνον δηλοῖ,
ἀλλὰ ἡ φύσις αὐτοῦ.”
SUBTITLES FOR THE HUMAN ERROR:
[My friend…
you ask a great thing.
For what is place?
And what do we truly call time?
But if you want it clearer…
we are in Athens,
no obscure city among the Greeks.
And the time…
it is the second year
of the eighty-seventh Olympiad.
Though I suspect that means little to you.
For time is not revealed by number—
but by its own nature.]Blindy sat there staring at the subtitles,
his eyes jumping across the lines
like he was reading a reactor startup manual
written by a drunk worm.
And then he exploded:
“I’VE HEARD OF SOCRATES!
They said he’s a smart guy!
Also that he talks a bunch of high-level bullshit!
But by Great deGrasse—
MY BRAIN JUST GOT TORN APART THROUGH EVERY HOLE!
I didn’t understand SHIT!
Rusty, what the hell is he even talking about?!”
Phoenix groaned quietly,
like a history teacher forced to explain philosophy to hairy idiot:
“He… uh…
is describing location through the concept of spatial nature,
and time through the Olympic cycle…In short, Captain—
he said this is Athens,
and the date corresponds approximately
to 430 BCE by our system.Precision would still be preferable.”
Blindy slapped his forehead:
“RUSTY!
SO WE STILL DON’T KNOW THE ACTUAL ‘YEAR’!
JUST SOME BULLSHIT FOR ARCHAEOLOGY NERDS!”
Phoenix sighed heavily:
“This is Ancient Greece, Captain.
If you want an exact year—
ZEROS NEEDS TO ASK A CLARIFYING QUESTION.
Their calendars here are… well…
like your logic—
technically exist,
but very hard to use.”
Blindy:
“ZEROS!
ASK MORE PRECISELY!
THIS OLD GUY IS ALREADY DRIVING ME INSANE!”