Airi has already set a course for CASINO CARINA™.
I don’t think I need to explain what kind of place that is.
Last time we talked about it so hard people were bleeding out their ears.
If you missed that broadcast—
go to ihatehumans.space
and listen to the old recording. Don’t embarrass yourself.
“While the ship drifted through hyperspace…
Oh—hold on.
What’s this?
A note from our lovely Jackie…
Why the hell didn’t you read this yourself, huh?”
[Paper rustling]“Jesus…
So much info, and half our gremlins are about to choke on their own ignorance.”
[A moment of silence]“Alright…
I’ll keep it short.
Reddick-style.”
[The moment dissolved into quiet]“Airi doesn’t run on chemical fuel. Not like your average broke-ass ships.
No.
Our girl flies on a fucking nuclear pulse engine.
Which means—pay attention—
every second, in the ass of that ship, there’s a small—polite—NUCLEAR EXPLOSION
Yeah. Yeah.
You hearing this?
To get into orbit, she basically farts a mini-supernova several times per second.
Here’s a fun fact—Jackie worked so hard on this, I gotta say it:
This shit ain’t cutting-edge future tech.
It was invented back in the 1950s–60s.
Before the first Terran dumbass even made it into space
Project Orion.
But of course, they shut it down.
Because some bureaucratic assholes decided it was ‘not feasible and too dangerous’
to send people into space
on a ship that works like a mortar
shooting nukes out of its own ass.And just like that…
they buried interstellar travel—
for a whole damn century.And even now, by the same stupid tradition…
these engines are still banned.But…
looks like Shiori didn’t give a single fuck about the rules.”
[he nods, satisfied, like a teacher who just saw a student finally do something right]“See, baby? Quick and to the point.
Otherwise our listeners would already be flooding us with comments:
‘Dick, you intergalactic idiot, stop reading Wikipedia and GET ON WITH IT.’
So, gremlins—if you ever see a flash above your house…
don’t panic.It’s not war.
It’s just Airi ripping one on schedule.
Although…
if you see Zeros’ silhouette in that flash—
yeah… panic.Hard enough that you might wanna relocate to another galaxy.
Alright, where were we?
Ah, right.
Blindy didn’t give a single, honest fuck…
He understood less about technology than our dear gremlins—
and trust me, that’s an achievement.And yeah, like Jackie taught us—
in hyperspace, ships don’t fly… they just drop in and drift. Constant speed.
No nuclear farting, no mini-supernovas blasting out the ass. Just clean physics. No tricks. No special effects.”