— VJOOM PS-SHH-SHIIIT TUDUM
RADIO NEBULA 69.99 FTLM![space jazz jingle—the same one that, according to astrophysicists from the Cosmic Academy of Sciences, fucks with cause and effect so hard that after the last broadcast, the Rotten Egg Nebula had a full existential crisis and went: "what if I try being a star again, you son of a bitch?"—and started collapsing back in on itself][Dick nervously fiddles with the mic cable]“Alright, alright… we’re running outta time…
time to shut down this Sunday night circus…”
RING-RING RING-RING“Uh… messages?.. now?! Well ain’t that convenient… we’re literally closing the show.
If that’s Todd, I’ll just… tell him to go to hell real quick.”
[He opens the holophone. Starts reading out loud. A second of silence]“‘Hey, handsome… I’ve been listening…'”
[Dick FREEZES. Just shuts down.
Even Jackie tenses up, like a cat that just felt an earthquake coming.
Then… His voice cracks. Like his heart just tripped over itself]“HOLY SHIT.
That’s… that’s Vella. My ex…
I… I… I gotta… I gotta—
I NEED TO STEP OUT RIGHT NOW!”
[He jumps up so fast the chair kicks back]“Jackie, take over! Wrap it up before I die from anxiety!
I… I’M GONE!”
[The booth door SLAMS open—BOOM!—then shuts just as hard. Jackie is left alone. She holds her breath. Looks at the mic. Exhales. Composes herself]“Uh… dear gremlins.
That was… our Dick.
And it looks like… tonight might be a turning point for him.We’ve been with you all Sunday night.
But the sun’s up—by SST.
Which means…
it’s time to close tonight’s broadcast of ‘Night with Melody and
Jackie Rho™.’But! Tune back in to RADIO NEBULA 69.99 FTLM…
Reminder: from 21:00 SST
until 9:00—every Sunday.Next time, we’ll have new stories…
about our favorite duo that briefly became a quartet… and now a triplet… hee-hee…
causing trouble all across the galaxy.If you want to follow the adventures of Blindy, Zeros,
and the newest member of the crew—Phoenix…
we’ll be waiting for you next week.And one more thing, dear listeners.
If you missed part of the show—
don’t worry.The full recording is available on our website: ihatehumans.space.
Leave likes, comments,
share with your friends…
and your loved ones.
See you next time.”
[The booth door bursts open again with a metallic scream.
Dick stumbles back in like he just got strangled by emotions in the hallway.
Drops into the chair][He looks: messy, shaken… and DESPERATELY IN LOVE]“WHAT DID I DO?!
WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?!Todd! You hear me?!
You frog-faced bastard—I NEED YOU!We’re meeting tomorrow!
I gotta… THINK THIS THROUGH!
I… I’M NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP!
WHY ARE MY HANDS SHAKING?!”
[Jackie lets out a soft, warm laugh]“Oh… Dick… I’m so happy for you…
Send me pictures later on Instagrim. I’ll ‘like’ them all…”
[Dick is shaking like a hyperdrive about to blow]“Yeah… yeah… okay… I… damn…
Vella… Vella… VELLA…”
[Jackie flips the switch. The broadcast fades out softly]