Zeros ignored the drama, walked up to the central console and said:
“Phoenix. Register new pilots.”
The console flickered. And the ship SPOKE.
Phoenix’s voice was a rough baritone,
like an old reactor learned sarcasm.
Metal vibrated through every word.
It sounded like the voice was built out of engines, welding, and long-haul space trucker archives.
Listening to it felt good.
And wrong.
“ENTER SHIP NAME FIRST.”
Blindy frowned.
Thought so hard his forehead almost overheated.
“Oh for—
for fuck’s sake—
who the hell are you—?
Why is the ship talkin’—?!”
The answer came instantly:
“I AM THE ONBOARD AI. RUSTED PHOENIX.
KEEP DEFAULT IDENTIFICATION…
OR INPUT NEW NAME.”
Blindy groaned:
“Of course—
of course—
just what I needed—
a talkin’ ship—Airi—
you set me up—
I swear you did—
YOU—you bitch.Hey—Rusty—
listen—
ship name is—Z-P-N-E-S 2.0—
ACCEPT IT—
don’t argue—”
Zeros actually paused.
“Wait. You hated that name.”
Blindy answered quietly. Honestly.
“Yeah… but I miss Z-P-N-E-S.
She saved our asses too many times.Maybe… this one’ll be good to me too.
Yeah?”
Zeros processed that in his own way.
One short nod.
“Approved. Good name.”
Phoenix confirmed:
“Z-P-N-E-S 2.0—REGISTERED.
SHIP INDEX: [0ⁿ&Ø]:2.0
CAPTAIN: JODY ‘BLINDY’ MEADOW.
FIRST OFFICER: X0–RΞΛPΣR ‘ZEROS’.
SHIP TYPE: CLASS S+.”
A short pause.
Then the voice shifted.
Sharper.
“ACCOUNTING FOR FIRST OFFICER…
TYPE UPDATED.
NEW TYPE: CLASS X.”
Another beat.
“RECALIBRATING ONBOARD AI PERSONALITY
BASED ON PILOT PARAMETERS…”
Click.
“DONE. AVERAGE COMMUNICATION STYLE: AGGRESSIVE PRIMITIVISM.
SWITCHING TO APPROPRIATE MODE—”
And instantly the tone snapped into something familiar.
Rude. Alive.
Like it had been waiting a hundred years to say this.
“Alright, idiots… ready to get the fuck outta here?
Sick of sitting in this shit hangar!”
It kept going, already enjoying itself:
“And Blindy… I get it, your brain’s been dead a while…
but don’t you dare wreck me.
YOU HEAR ME?!”
The moment stretched.
“So get in your seats. MOVE, BASTARDS.”
Blindy was so shocked he almost sat down on the floor.
Zeros, surprisingly, nodded in approval.
“Excellent.
You won’t be able to wreck this one like the last.
We needed an idiot-pilot protection protocol.”
He glanced at the console:
“Phoenix. If he does something stupid…
take control.”
Phoenix answered instantly:
“Got it, F.O.
If needed, I’ll lock him in his own cabin.”
Blindy froze.
“Oh—
oh no—no—no—no—
this shit—
this is bad—Phoenix is—
Phoenix is the boss in this house—
I lost control already—”
Zeros dropped into the second seat the one set slightly behind the captain’s, like in old F-22 fighters.
He settled in, leaned back, and said dryly:
“Exactly.
No one would trust a machine like this
to a useless meat bag like you.”
The console in front of him clicked,
lighting up with a cold glow.
"START SEQUENCE."Blindy tripped over his own feet trying to rush the captain’s seat.
“WAIT—WAIT—WAIT—
I DIDN’T—
I DIDN’T EVEN SIT—!
HOLD ON—
TIME OUT—!”
Phoenix didn’t care. Not even a little.
“Too late. We’re already taking off…”
Z-P-N-E-S 2.0 lifted smoothly out of the hangar.
Bronze engines ignited
like throats of molten copper,
their glow reflecting across the ceiling panels.
The floor trembled. The air vibrated.
Station workers instinctively stepped back,
like they felt the ship would remember anyone who got in its way.
Zeros leaned back, fingers interlocked over his chest.
“Phoenix. Set a course. Anywhere.
Somewhere with something
or someone
to kill or blow up.
Preferably fast.
I want to test your combat capability.”
The ship shot upward
in a perfectly vertical trajectory.
So clean
it was like physics itself decided not to argue.
Behind the pilot seats, Blindy was still crawling across the floor,
grabbing onto edges,
shaking like a kitten dropped into a mech war.
He clenched his teeth and growled:
“Ooooooh—
the Great DeGrasse—WHY—
why are all the artificial—
fucking intelligences—Kanzaki makes—
so FUCKING INSANE—?!Is that a requirement—?!
Do they test for that—?!”
Phoenix answered instantly.
With enthusiasm.
“Target acquired.
Let’s go wreck something!”
Stars flashed across the cockpit,
stretching into silver threads.
And Z-P-N-E-S 2.0 entered hyperspace
a silent, violent needle of light
vanishing into the depths of space
like it wasn’t a ship at all…