— VZHHHHH—PHSH-SHIIT—TUDUM!
RADIO NEBULA 69.99 FTLM![A cosmic jazz jingle after which therapy bookings across the galaxy rose by 14%]“And once again—still, always, forever—
DIIIIICK MEEELLOOOODY…and my absolutely stunning partner—”
[Jackie let out a bright "Yoo-hoo!"—half vocal run, half a direct strike to the listeners' hearts—and continued as if she'd slipped into song mid-broadcast]“DJ ‘JACKIE’ RHOOOOO!”
[Dick nodded approvingly, like a man congratulating himself]“Baby, hit the trash track.
What’ve you got on the list?”
[Jackie took a short breath.
The show's rating instantly jumped by +0.79%—
listeners loved that sound]“We’ve got something fresh from Flint,” she said.
“Top hits from his new releases.Oh—and he left you a note…”
[She read aloud]“‘DIIIIIICK! 🔥🔥🔥
BRO YOU STILL SLAAAAYIN’ OUT THERE!
WE THROWIN’ A SHOW AT PRIME INC—SOON—DON’T MISS IT!
YOU GOTTA COME FEEL THE VIBE—IT’S GONNA MELT YOUR SOUL!
BUTT PIMPLE GOING FULL COSMIC-ASS MODE! 🚀💀
AND HEY—
BRING THAT CUTIE JACKIE TOO 😘'”
[Dick let out a heavy sigh.
The rating dropped by –1.79%]“Flint…
Thanks for the invite.
Shame I can’t make it.”
[Jackie dimmed just a little—
just enough for a soft, almost inaudible "hm".
Seeing that, Dick continued]“Sorry, baby,
I know you’d tear up that dance floor like a fallen angel,
BUT!In two days I’ve got a meeting with my lawyer.
We’ll be figuring out how to legally break up with Todd…
without losing my pants—and my furniture.”
[He rubbed his face]“But sweetie, you can go on your own.
If you want, I’ll sign you a waiver—
full exemption from emotional trauma caused by interacting with Flint.”
[Jackie giggled softly—"hee-hee"—
and the rating shot up +7.34%]“Alright, baby…
hit the trash track…let the galaxy remember why it hates us.”
“And… we’re back on air, listeners!
This is Radio Nebula 69.99 FTLM—
and I remind you…I’m Dick Melody,
a being who, in my humble opinion,
deserves way more likes than he gets.”
[Jackie quietly: "uh-oh, here we go"—rating +0.62%]“Now EXPLAIN THIS to me…
Why do I—A HUMAN—
a man with six hundred beach photos on INSTAGRIM™,
five shirtless shots,
and one accidental picture with a six-pack—”
[Jackie whispered softly]“That’s the HexaFilter.”
[Dick, as always, ignored her completely—
because at this point he was deep inside his own emotional butthurt]“ONLY have ONE POINT NINE THOUSAND FOLLOWERS?!”
[Jackie smiled gently. Rating +1.14%]“Well… maybe because you scream profanity in every post?”
[Dick politely pretended not to hear her
and continued accelerating like a man who has spent twenty years fighting for likes]“AND JACKIE!!
Let me repeat this for the slow ones in the back:
JA-CKIE!!!
—who posts ONLY:
rusty tools,
old wires,
pictures of wrenches,
videos of her changing a fuse in her rusty sky car,
and ONE—ONE DAMN PHOTO—OF A NUT—has TWO.
“TWO. MILLION. SEVEN HUNDRED. THIRTY-NINE. THOUSAND. FOLLOWERS.”
[Jackie corrected softly]“Two million seven hundred thirty-nine thousand and seven,”
[Rating +1.03%]“SEE?! EVEN THE NUMBER SOUNDS BETTER WHEN SHE SAYS IT!
Every time she posts something like:
‘Oh, look…
found an old cable,
no idea where it leads ^_^’—and the ENTIRE GALAXY instantly goes:
‘Jackie, goddess of garages!’
‘My ideal woman!’
‘Take me into your toolbox!'”
[Jackie let out a soft, pleased sigh—rating +0.89%]“Oh, Dick… don’t be jealous.
You’re charismatic too.
You’ve got…
[ahem…]
a unique retro content style.”
[Jackie giggled—rating +7.71%]“Yeah, yeah. Unique retro style.
‘Unique,’ she says…
That’s because I posted a photo
where I accidentally dove headfirst into the sand
and captioned it: ‘Beach relaxation.’And YOU, dear gremlins—
with the full force of your collective dislikes—
turned it into the MEME OF THE WEEK!!!”
[Jackie laughed softly—almost angelically—rating +11.84%]“Hey… let’s not make a big deal out of it, Dick.”
[Dick muttered, deeply offended]“Then… play another track, Jackie.
Maybe at least the music still loves me.”
[Jackie switched the controls—
and heavy synth fused with raw rock flooded the air]“Well, well, well…
Gremlins, looks like we’ve been on air a little too long.
Time to get back to our favorite dysfunctional duo.”
They didn’t waste a second—jumped into the Z-P-E-N-E-S
and launched into open space, setting course for the GJ-251 system—”