—SHRRRAA—KLOMP—VZZZ-POP!—TUDUM
Radio Nebula 69.99 FTLM![a short cosmic jazz stinger—like a whole pack of tentaculons with thick, slapping tentacles decided to play saxophones while confusing the mouthpiece and the bell.
The sound was coming out of places it was definitely supposed to go into…
and judging by an extra wet, questionable note, one particularly gifted tentaculon was blowing into a side valve like it was a harmonica]“Well, well, well…
just a reminder—you’re listening to the late-night Sunday podcast Night with Melody™ and—”
[Jackie crashes into the broadcast like she just got injected with Aelori-grade adrenaline— which, for the record, is meant for twelve-foot beings]“And JAAAAAACKIE RHOOOOO!
Yoooou’re tuned to Radiooooo Nebuuuuula 69.99
F-T-L-M—WOOOOOO-HOOOOOO!”
[At that exact moment, the podcast rating spikes by +149%.
Analytics later show that about half the audience hit "like" involuntarily—
their fingers just started moving on their own]“And with you is the one and only, brilliant, stunning, irresistible, and ridiculously cool DJ—
the best in the entire galaxy…Jacqueline ‘Jackie’ Ro!”
[whispers]“That is… me.”
[She glances at Dick.
He's sitting there with his mouth open, like the universe just hit pause on him.
If there were an onboard AI nearby, it would've displayed:
"System D.I.C.K. has frozen. Reboot?"][Jackie continues like nothing happened]“…Right here in the booth, we’ve got our one and only…
our very own…
our incomparable…
and slightly lagging…Diiiiiick Melooooody!
So, Dick—shall we roll the next track?”
[Dick remains in advanced vegetable mode.
Unclear whether he's stunned that his protégé just hijacked the show like a superstar…
or if he's realizing the horrifying truth—
that Jackie could soon replace the entire station staff.
Including him]“Uh… yeah… uh… Bu… buuu… Butt… P-P-Pimple™…?”
[Delivered in the voice of a man chasing his own thoughts and losing.
Jackie doesn't even blink.
One hand starts the music.
The other pours Dick a glass of Johnnie Wanker™.
She hands it to him with a look that clearly says:
Drink. You'll need it]“Jackie…
sweetie…
light of this broadcast panel…”
[He rubs his face like he's trying to physically reboot his brain.
He speaks gently. Very gently.
Like a man politely asking a heavily armed holographic turret not to shoot him in the balls]“…please…
NEVER
EVER
DO
THAT
AGAIN…”
[Jackie giggles—soft, clear, warm… and just a little bit evil.
The kind of giggle that guarantees a repeat performance]“Oh, Diiick…
you’re so cute when you get scared.”
[Her voice both soothes and lightly slaps him at the same time. Dick stiffens immediately]“I—I’m not scared!
This is… this is…emotional enrichment of the broadcast.
Yeah.
Professional dynamics.You just… exceeded the maximum allowable…
Jackie-factor.”
[She giggles again—louder now, warmer, teasing]“Oh, come on…
you liked it.
You froze so adorably.
Like a little puffed-up pufferfish…”
[Podcast rating +19%][Dick leans back in his chair, staring at the ceiling like he's praying to the gods of radio for a new button labeled:
"Undo last 30 seconds of humiliation]“God…
I created a monster… Alright—let’s continue the story…”