Dick adjusted his Mega RayBanned™ Gen69 smart-glasses, leaned back—
—and only then remembered
he wasn’t in a soft radio host chair,
but sitting on a hard workout bench
in Shiori’s ship gym corner.
He lost balance, already tipping head-first toward a barbell—
but Shiori took three quick steps forward, grabbed his wrist,
and set him back upright like she was repositioning a drunk combat droid.
Jackie gasped, heart jumping:
“Dick—are you okay?!”
Dick cleared his throat,
pretended it was intentional,
straightened up like he’d just hosted a masterclass in balance control.
“Of course, baby. I’m ALWAYS okay.”
He gave Shiori a grateful nod,
then switched on his broadcast voice—
that deep, confident baritone
usually hiding a deeply buried panic.
“And so, dear gremlins…
We just lived through something
that’s honestly terrifying to even describe—
Still can’t believe we’re alive.”
He raised a finger.
“First—
Three new Reaper-level androids showed up.
Zeros’s… brothers.Of course.
Of course, fucking hell.
Why not today.”
Jackie raised two fingers, matching his rhythm:
“Second—
Airi joined the fight…
and summoned her SHIRŌ–KAGE brothers.
How many were there? Ten thousand? A hundred thousand?
A MILLION?
I swear, between frames, there were more of them.”
Dick shook his head, continued:
“Third—
We didn’t just survive—
the planet didn’t break into atoms.That… honestly, gremlins,
I don’t even know how to process that.”
He pulled a bottle of Johnny Wanker™ whiskey from his bag
and took a swig straight from the neck.
“And here’s where we’re at now.
TRILLIONS of stunned viewers.
Global economy—fucked.
Orbit—packed with ships.Dozens of fleets ready to tear each other apart
for a piece of Constant’s scrap corpse,
now sitting at the bottom like the Titanic after a street fight.”
He scratched his side, like none of this was worth proper dignity anymore:
“And… the best part.”
He tapped his holo-tablet—pulling up GNN.space.
“According to the official feed—yeah, the galaxy’s favorite panic merchants…
a Galactic Federation fleet is heading straight for us
to drive off the corporate vultures
and ‘restore order.'”
He raised an eyebrow.
“Leading it—
Admiral LISSA HARVALE.”
He froze for a second—then let out a dry, impressed whistle.
“Yeah. That one. The Iron Lady.
Walks like a supermodel, poses like an icon, but gives orders like she’s got infinite ammo and a really, really bad day.”
He tapped the screen—
GNN headline glowing:
"THE IRON LADY OUT ON A NEW HUNT?"“The woman Zeros was supposed to kill years ago…” Dick continued, “but didn’t.”
He zoomed in—
sharp face, fleet uniform,
eyes that looked like they could slit your throat through a hologram.
“Now she’s an admiral.
And from what I’m reading…
she’s not coming here for tea.”
He leaned in slightly.
“In the past year, she’s ‘cleaned up’ multiple sectors.
Wiped out underground rulers, shadow lords,
corporate psychopaths with god complexes.”
He scratched his side, like none of this was worth proper dignity anymore:
“And in about a month—boom—
public trials on a
GALACTIC-FUCKING-SCALE.
That’s gonna be one hell of a show—
grab popcorn or whatever the hell you people eat.”
Dick glanced at Jackie. Then added quietly:
“But right now…
she’s on her way. Here.”
Dick had barely finished speaking when Jackie snatched the tablet out of his hands, scrolled the stream chat—then snorted so hard the Mega RayBanned™ flashed:
"EMOTIONAL SPIKE DETECTED"“Dick, don’t make it worse.” Jackie said. “Look what the gremlins are saying!”
She turned the tablet toward him—
but was already reading out loud, choking on laughter:
doptMePls: Dick, bro, if the Iron Lady shows up—can you adopt us? 🤓
BetMaster77: Boys, who’s betting on “Harvale beats the shit out of everyone”? polymarket.space 🤑
LoveLogic: ZEROS DEFINITELY DIDN’T KILL HER BECAUSE SHE’S HOT 💘
SimpDetector: VALID STRATEGY NOT GONNA LIE
SafetyFirst: Shiori, please don’t let Dick touch dangerous buttons ☠️
ChaosEnjoyer: @SafetyFirst LET HIM PRESS THEM 🔥
CuteButDeadly: Can someone explain WHY SHIRŌ–KAGE are so cute when they’re trying to murder everyone?! 😨😰😱
AestheticWar: murder but make it adorable ✨
SnackPlanner: HEY ARE YOU GUYS ALIVE? I NEED TO KNOW IF I SHOULD MAKE POPCORN! 🍿
RealistGuy: bro they are literally in a war zone 💀
ConspiracyCore: THEY’RE DEFINITELY READING CHAT
DelusionalFan: HI JACKIE IF YOU SEE THIS I LOVE YOU 😭
Dick exhaled, dragged a hand down his face:
“See, baby… this is exactly why we exist.
So billions of idiots can keep believing everything’s under control.”
Jackie jabbed him in the shoulder:
“And it’s not?”
Dick gave the most tired, honest look in broadcast history:
“Baby… it never was.”
Mega RayBanned™ blinked again:
"INCOMING GALACTIC MILF—ETA: UNKNOWN"The Author leaned back against the pilot seat,
staring out through the front glass in silence.
Where hell had just been—
now there was only quiet space dust.
“Looks like it’s over…” he said calmly.
Then, almost under his breath:
“But not how it was supposed to go…”
He frowned slightly.
“Not even close to the plan.”
Dick only caught the first part and muttered without turning:
“What, Sage? Something bothering you?”
The Author straightened, gave a crooked smile, raised his hands like he was surrendering:
“No, no—everything’s fine.
Just… glad we made it out alive. That’s all.”
He looked at Shiori. She stood steady—but there was something in her posture… too focused. Like she was still running a thousand processes at once.
The Author spoke gently:
“Hey… can you drop us at the spaceport?
Feels like everyone’s got places to be again.”
He turned away, muttering something too low to catch.
Shiori nodded:
“Hai, Sēji-sama.”
She leaned toward the navigation terminal and spoke into the channel:
“Airi-chan, sorosoro owarini shite. Kaeru jikan da yo.”
From below, Airi’s bright, cheerful voice rang out:
“Ryoukai~! [๑•̀ᗝ•́]૭✧
Uwaa, sugoi tatakai datta ne!
Jaa, minna, okaeri shiyou~!”