Zeros switched into “ass diagnostics mode.”
He scanned Blindy top to bottom…
until the sensor zoomed in on his ass:
10×
100×
1000×His gaze locked onto a tiny UV-blinking object, exactly 0.06 inches in size.
A system message flashed:
IMPLANT DETECTED
ORIGINAL BLINDY—VERIFIEDZeros relaxed.
“Calm down, psycho.
You’ve got a chip in your ass.
You’re the original.”
Blindy turned red.
“WAIT—WAIT—
You checked—my ASS—
to figure out it’s ME—?!”
Zeros nodded.
“It’s reliable.
No one checks asses.
Low interference.
Stable signal.”
Blindy stared at him, completely betrayed by existence.
“YOU’RE—
YOU’RE USING MY ASS—
AS A PASSPORT—?!”
Zeros flicked a hand toward the exit and turned.
“Best identifier.
Functional.
Recognizable.”
Blindy howled:
“I’M A—
I’M A WALKIN’—
SCAN ME—BEEP—BEEP—
FUCKIN’ QR CODE—?!
NO—NO—TAKE THAT SHIT OUT—NOW—!”
Zeros gestured toward the exit and started walking, like the conversation had already ended.
“Later. Let’s go.”
But then the printer door opened again.
Xerex-Blindy #37 peeked out,
went pale at the sight of dozens of dead… well, himself,
and addressed Zeros, ignoring the original:
“H-hey, b-buddy,
WHAT THE FUCK’S HAPPENIN’ IN HERE—?!”
Original Blindy cut him off:
“Oh—hey—wait—
WAIT—
let’s—let’s keep this one—
he’s kinda—”
BAM!
The clone’s head flew straight into a trash bin.
“That’s it. Therapy’s over. We’re leaving.”
Blindy shook his fists:
“I HATE YOU—!
I—FUCKIN’—HATE YOU—!”
[Jackie's voice gently wraps around the broadcast, sounding like she's both horrified and genuinely empathetic at the same time]“That’s just awful…
Clones or not… they’re still people.
Living people.”
[Jackie's voice gently wraps around the broadcast, sounding both horrified and genuinely empathetic]“That’s just awful…
Clones or not… they’re still people.
Living people.”
[Dick lets out a low baritone chuckle—a mix of exhaustion, cynicism, and the quiet certainty that the world’s been broken for a long time]“Baby… I’ll let you in on a little secret.
That XEREX™ bio-replicator?
Been on the market for a while now.Just to buy one, you gotta:
get on a waiting list,
sit on it for about five years,
and have so much money your bank assigns you a personal priest.Regular people don’t get access to that kind of tech.
It’s a toy for the elite.They clone themselves, their kids, their wives, their lovers, their dogs, their cats—
anything that fits in the container.”
[He taps his fingers on the table]“You ever wonder how politicians and CEOs manage to be in four places at once?
Conference.
Parliament.
Another planet.
And still home, having dinner with the family.Yeah?
Here’s your answer.
They use a printer called:
XEREX MEGAPRINT™.Nice, boring name, right?
So nobody suspects it’s anything more than office equipment.They’ve even got a slogan:
‘If it can be copied—we can clone it.’”
[Dick raises an eyebrow]“Think about it.
XEREX Corporation.
Started with paper.
Then holograms.
Then 3D parts.
Then organs.And now…
‘Your husband died? No problem.
Insert a flash drive—we’ll print you a new one.’”
[Jackie chokes up, not believing what she’s hearing]“That’s horrible…”
[Dick slowly squints, the corner of his mouth twitching like he’s about to say something he absolutely shouldn’t]“And it gets better.
According to reliable rumors, MEGAPRINT™ has a bug
XEREX™ hasn’t been able to fix for years.Sometimes the printer shifts skin tone by one shade.
Picture this:
A wife calls support:
‘This… isn’t my husband.
Why is he green?’And support calmly replies:
‘Please check your melanin cartridge.
It may have dried out.’”
[Jackie covers her mouth with both hands]“Waaah— jinjja?..”
[Dick snorts theatrically, like he’s narrating a documentary about corporate decay]“Baby… hold on. It gets worse.
Sometimes the printer adds…
mmm… extra parts.
Like a tail.
Or a second jaw.Or the other way around—
takes something important away.Oh, and yeah… memory only restores up to the last backup.”
[Dick shifts his voice, acting out the dialogue]“Wife on their anniversary:
‘Do you remember you were supposed to get me a fur coat and a ring?’
Freshly printed husband:
‘I only remember that I died.
And that our NETFIST™ subscription expired.’”
[Dick flips the page]“It also says here—”
Blindy kept thinking about that incident for a long time.
Just… not in the way you’d expect.
“Zeros! Zeeeeroooos—!
You—YOU BASTARD—
I HATE YOU—!Because of your—your ‘therapy’—
I blanked out—!I MISSED IT—
I MISSED MY CHANCE—!I could’ve—
I could’ve printed myself—
a BETTER me—!The most beautiful—!
The smartest—!
The HOTTEST—!”
And every time, he got the same answer:
“Still don’t give a fuck.”