— VJOOMPS-SHH-TOTAL-SHIIITTUDUM
RADIO NEBULA 69.99 FTLM!
[space jazz jingle so violent that the runaway star S5-HVS1 finally went "fuck this galaxy" and launched itself out of the Milky Way, screaming in infrared: "I'M OUT!"—already hauling ass toward Andromeda… though honestly, at that speed, it might just overshoot the whole damn thing and vanish into the intergalactic Great Void]
“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! Dear galactic gremlins… you’re listening to another episode—”
[Jackie cuts in instantly]
“Fifth episode already! December 20th, 3479—SST, in case any of you lost track of time again.”
[Dick nods, reclaiming the mic]
“Holy cosmic bullshit… fifth episode of this crap! That means we’ve been running this show for a month and we’re already heading into round two…
Time’s flying at lightspeed, goddamn it…
But tonight… THIS is—
Night with Melody and Jackie Rho™!
So time’s gonna have to slow the hell down and let us finish this story.”
[Jackie giggles and smoothly steals the mic back]
“Cuties and sweeties, just a reminder— you’re tuned to Radio Nebula 69.99 FTLM— the only station broadcasting in faster-than-light modulation.
Every beautiful Sunday night, from 21:00 SST all the way till 9:00…
And with you all night will be—”
[Dick cuts in like a salty kid]
“And with you this whole damn night— the one and only… universally loved…
Dick Melody!
But—my beloved Vella Drayson… I belong only to you!”
[Jackie smirks and takes control again]
“And of course, right next to this hopeless romantic— the most charming DJ in the entire universe…
Jacqueline ‘Jackie’ Rho.
That is… me.
Also one of a kind. Also universally loved. Just check my INSTAGRIM followers.”
[Before Dick can jump back in, Jackie moves fast]
“Dick, I saw your INSTAGRIM posts.
Your date with Vella went so well.
She’s beautiful.
I don’t even know why you two broke up… but I’m really happy you got her back, you old fool.”
[Dick pauses, slightly humbled, but swallows it and nods]
“Yeah… well… when I saw her…
I realized I missed her.
Like some wise asshole once said— ‘you appreciate what you had after you lose it.’
Or something like that.
Whatever.
Point is— my life was missing her.
Someone you can come back to.
Someone you can tell how your day went…”
[Jackie nearly melts]
“Aww… that’s so sweet. I’m really happy for both of you.
Maybe now you’ll be less angry… less foul-mouthed… more… positive?”
[Dick snorts so hard the mic nearly dies for two seconds]
“Don’t count on it.
I’ve lived half a century, girl. You don’t fix that overnight.
So, gremlins… if anyone doesn’t like it—
GO FUCK YOURSELVES! DICK MELODY AIN’T CHANGING!”
[Jackie instantly pivots, saving the show rating]
“Alright, alright—let’s move on… show us the pictures…
Aigoya… this one!
You in a suit—shoot, that actually looks good on you!
You’re holding Vella’s hands…
She… oooohhh… she’s a star.
Wait… this is Terra, right?”
[Dick softens for a second, looking at the photo]
“Yeah.
Vella’s one of those stubborn few who refuses to leave old Terra.
We… well… we pretty much fucked that planet.
Centuries of wars, environmental abuse— there’s barely any decent places left to live.
Everything’s hanging on like only dozen megacities the size of entire countries.
…Might have to go back myself.
Damn.
We’ve still got a place in New Tokyo.”
[Jackie exhales softly, almost dreamy]
“I’ve never even been to Terra…
Hope I get to see it one day.
My uncle used to say our family still has property there… and some relatives living somewhere in Sae Seoul…
But! Let’s see the next picture.”
[Pause. A sharp inhale]
“WAAH—DAEBAK— WHO IS THIS FLUFFY LITTLE CREATURE?! OLIVER?!”
[Dick's face instantly changes:
from 'tired old bastard' to 'fully domesticated cat servant']
“Yeah, yeah… that’s my boy Oliver.
Look at him… look at that face…
Hell… I missed Vella.
But Oliver?
Hell… I missed him even more.
And get this—the little bastard sees me, walks up… turns his ass to me and just stands there like:
‘PICK ME UP, SERVANT.'”
[Jackie absolutely loses it]
“HAHAHA—I can’t… he’s perfect!”
[Dick rubs his stubble, trying very hard to forget the receipt: how much a damn anti-grav pod costs?!]
“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA—
We’re walking through rainy New Tokyo streets, and this little asshole— just floating next to us like a king… like he’s the one running the relationship.”
[Jackie wiping tears, still laughing]
“Dick… I mean… he IS the one in charge.”
[Sound like Dick kicks the mic out of pure emotional damage]
“Tell me ’bout that!”
[Jackie taps on the third photo on Instagrim @DickMelodyOfficial™]
Caption:
"First night in ten years I'm not lying,
not drinking from the pain,
and not running.
She came back.
And the CAT did too."
22.2 MILLION likes.
Highest engagement on his account—but 18 million came from a repost:
@JackieRhoReal:
"YEEEES! OLIVER IS A LEGEND! 💖😼✨"
[Jackie squeals with pure joy]
“Aigoya, look at you two. You fit together so well…
DICK.
You better behave, alright?
I can see it in her eyes—
she loves you too.
Hold on to each other.”
[Dick leans back in his chair, looks at her for a couple seconds— warm, almost fatherly—then raises a fist.Jackie beams and bumps it back—bro fist.Then Dick quietly says:]
“Roger that, sweetie, I’ll try.
And… by the way… I told her about you.
She wants to meet you.
Maybe… you come visit us?
You’ll get your dream too— see Mother Earth.”
‘Cause with Zeros and Blindy around… hell knows how long we’ve got left.”
[Jackie explodes with joy so hard the mic almost clips]
“YEEEESSS! YES, YES, YES!”
I’ll bring kimchi! And everything cats love!
I need to tell my uncle RIGHT NOW! Thank you, Dick!”
