They descended slowly—
not like special forces,
not like trained drop units—
but like two idiots gently lowered onto the base
by invisible hands of Jesus.
The moment Blindy filled his lungs with enough air,
he screamed as loud as he could.
In his head, it sounded like that anime scream—
“DOFLAMINGOOOO!”
In reality…
it came out more like:
“KURASAKI-KUN!”
Zeros, still descending smoothly, didn’t even look at him.
His voice calm, flat, almost lazy:
“Shut up… you rotten piece of shit.
Focus on the mission.”
Blindy opened his mouth—
ready to argue, complain, scream some dramatic “NANI?!” into the frozen void—
But froze.
Because right below them—
at the entrance to the base—
a group of people was already forming a combat line,
raising their weapons—
aiming directly at them.
The base design was the most boring, lifeless thing in the entire galaxy—
like it had been built using Unity Asset Store assets for three c-bucks
with no refund policy.
Bridges, antennas, containers, boxes—
everything scattered like someone just kept hitting “duplicate” and “rotate 90°”
until they got tired.
I’m pretty sure even the people working there
had no idea why half this junk existed
or what the fuck was inside it.
But—
it was good cover.
The moment Blindy’s feet touched the metal floor—
gunfire erupted.
PEW–PEW—PEW—PEW
“OH FUCK!”
Blindy screamed and tried to perform a tactical roll behind the nearest crates.
But the roll came out as clumsy
as a character with an inventory overloaded to hell—
a full-on fat roll.
And the gravity here was like: “honestly, it’d be better if I didn’t exist at all.”
Instead of diving, he just—
rotated horizontally mid-air,
entered full “why am I even alive” pose,
and spent a few seconds drifting upside down
before knocking his head against the floor.
Zeros, meanwhile—
barely touched the ground,
then clapped his hands.
Once.
Like he just killed a mosquito.
That’s it.
But it was enough
to crack the crust of this pancake-shaped planet,
slow its rotation by a tiny fraction of a percent—
just enough for the scientists at the Cosmic Academy of Sciences to get butthurt
and write six hundred pages of dissertation about it—
and, of course, turn every guard on the base into atoms.
The energy dome flickered a few times,
like it was reconsidering its life choices.
Airi’s voice came through the comms:
“Arē, arē, arē… Zerosu-sama…
my sensors are spiking.
I almost got thrown into open space… ･ﾟﾟ･[×_×]･ﾟﾟ･｡”
Shiori immediately cut in, clearly furious:
“What are you doing, manuke?!
We were told to eliminate Nobuhiro Kanzaki—
not destroy the planet along with the base!”
Blindy slowly got to his feet,
looked around,
and tried to figure out where he was, who he was,
and why he was still alive.
Everything that had once been fixed in place
was now floating under the dome.
And in front of him—
was a perfect, absolute fuck-up
after Zeros’ personal “FUS RO DAH.”
“B-b-b—”
Blindy froze.
Slapped himself to regain control—
and one slap was enough
to lift his feet off the ground in this insane low gravity.
He did another full horizontal spin
and landed—
like yeah, sure—totally planned.
“B-b-buddy—! Th-the fuck are you doin’?! HUH?”
Blindy stumbled back, hands shooting up like he could push the universe away.
“Do you—do you EVER think—about me?!
I’m RIGHT HERE, buddy—RIGHT HERE—!”
His voice cracked hard, jumping all over itself.
“No more clappin’! No more nothin’!
I’ll do it myself—I swear I will—
I’ll clear it—whatever it is—JUST DON’T DO THAT AGAIN!
Got it?!”
Zeros looked at him
like none of this was worth reacting to—
like “almost cracking a planet” barely counted.
Blindy leaned in, dropping into a whisper that still shook like a shout:
“Zeros… buddy… I’m beggin’ you… please…”
He grabbed his head, fingers digging in like he was trying to hold himself together.
“Don’t clap again when I’m around…
Just—just don’t… ever… please…”
His breathing went uneven.
“What if you do it by accident?!
What if you just—just—CLAP—
and I’m gone?!”
He pointed out into space, hand trembling.
“Just—pff—
sent into some black hole or some bullshit side effect you don’t even think about?!”
His voice broke completely now:
“There’s no comin’ back from that, buddy!
I’m done! I’m FINISHED!
That’s it—end of me—just—gone—!”
He stepped closer, eyes wide, almost desperate, almost hurt:
“Buddy… please…”
Then it snapped again—sharp, loud, demanding:
“PROMISE, DAMN IT!
Say it!
Say you won’t do it!”
Zeros let out a quiet growl. Gave a short nod.
“Fine.
I promise.
Just so you shut the FUCK UP!
Let’s finish this before I change my mind
and feel like clapping again out of boredom.”