[And of course, Jackie jumped into the broadcast—her voice warm, emotional, way too invested]“Omo—Airi is so cute! I’d totally be friends with her!”
[She didn't even let Dick take the mic back and kept going—now sounding like a literature teacher narrating a tragic family story]“Dear listeners of the human species—and everyone interested in anything related to humans… did you know Pluto has quite a story?”
[She took a dramatic breath]“For a long time, Pluto was a mystery. People looked at Mars, Venus, Saturn… the queen of planets, Jupiter…
And poor little Pluto just sat there in the shadows.
But in the 19th century, humans began searching for ‘Planet X’—a terrifying, mythical world that was supposed to collide with Terra and wipe everyone out…
[A quiet moment passed]“And instead… they found Pluto.
Not a threat.
A baby.”
[Her voice softened almost into baby talk]“Everyone was so happy! A new member of the Sol family!
They started thinking of names…
Some wanted to call it ‘Zeus’…
Some even suggested naming it after their husbands! Hee-hee!
But then… an eleven-year-old schoolgirl suggested the name Pluto—the god of the underworld.
And everyone went: ‘Yesss, that’s perfect!'”
[Rating instantly +20%]“But Pluto’s happiness didn’t last long…
[Jackie sighed, now dramatically tragic]“When they discovered other little ones—Ceres, Haumea, Makemake, Eris—
Pluto was kicked out of the ‘planet family.’
And just like that… the five dwarfs were left outside the circle…
small… but proud…”
[Dick finally couldn't take it anymore. He cut back in with a grunt, like someone just shoved poetry down his throat]“Baby… thanks for the info dump.
And for turning a bunch of useless, ass-freezing rocks into a full-blown family drama.
But let’s get back to the story…”
Airi hummed softly through the engines and carried the ship forward.
They passed Eris—cold and distant, like it was trying to hide under a blanket of ice.
Then Makemake—orange-red, like it was posing for some glamorous calendar of cosmic gods.
And then…
in the distance—
Haumea appeared.
Like a giant, perfectly polished ceramic bowl.
Flattened by insane rotation—
as if it desperately tried to become a pulsar,
but the universe just said, “not today,”
and out of spite…
it kept getting squished.
And squished.
Shimmering with ice,
wrapped in a thin, razor-bright ring,
with two small moons orbiting nearby like loyal dogs—
believing their goddess just needs time…
that she’ll rise into something glorious.
But no.
Still a pancake.
Airi let out a soft, almost reverent breath:
“Haumea… we have arrived. [⌒▽⌒]☆
Shiori-sensei, shall I begin descent?”
Blindy stared out the viewport and suddenly yelled:
“What the fuck happened to that planet—like…”
He squinted, trying to process the shape.
“…like some big-ass space elephant slipped, sat on it, got up…
shook its ass…
then sat again.”
Zeros shook his head like he regretted the existence of humanity as a concept.
“How did you even survive in space before me?
You’re like a blind idiot who’s surprised by everything,
like someone just let you out of a facility where you were locked your whole life.”
Blindy blinked—and answered with absolute honesty:
“Huh—erm—FAITH.”
Zeros stepped closer and pointed at the viewport.
“It spins insanely fast. And for us, only three things matter.”
Then he extended one finger:
“On the equator—non-inertial reference frame where centripetal acceler—”
Zeros stopped. Looked at Blindy. Really looked at him.
Blindy stared back. Mouth open. Empty. Gone.
Zeros exhaled.
“…Yeah. Who am I talking to—?”
He waved it off.
“Equator—almost zero gravity.”
Second finger:
“Poles—maximum hell.”
Third finger, with clear irritation:
“And we can’t just take and land.”
Blindy nodded like he was listening to a lecture from a god of physics.
“So… how we land?” he asked.
Zeros, expression unchanged:
“We orbit until our velocity syncs with it.”
Blindy thought about it.
“Heh… and if it ain’t?”
Zeros had already turned away:
“Then you become part of the terrain, dumbass.”
Shiori waited patiently for the circus to finish, then gave a soft nod:
“Hai. Airi-chan… approach.
Synchronize in orbit and hold position above the base.”
Airi chirped politely:
“Gochūi… initiating gravitational correction.
Please hold on… tightly~. ଘ[੭ˊᵕˋ]੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚”