— KRRR-CHAKK PS-SHH-SHIIIT VZZZ-POP
Radio Nebula 69.99 FTLM![A short cosmic jazz jingle—like someone's jazz ass got smeared across the equator of Deep Throat, spaghettified, and the poor sax player's imprint is still playing, slowly fading into redshift][Dick, in the velvet voice of a late-night cynical alcoholic]“Still with us, gremlins? Hope so.
Otherwise what the hell were me and my lovely partner screaming our lungs out for?Alright. Sun’s up—by SST. Time to get the hell home.
But before that… let’s drop some music.”
[Jackie, soft, warm, but with a trace of fatigue]“Dick… listening to their story… I can’t help it, I’m a little jealous.
Blindy is such a sweet idiot. He’s lucky to have ended up next to Zeros.
Every day for them is an adventure.
They live on the edge of death…
and somehow feel alive because of it.Sometimes I think… maybe one day I’ll meet someone like Zeros.
And my life will finally start spinning like a storm.”
[Dick, instantly offended, compressed, theatrically dramatic]“Baby, you just shut down my entire heart engine compartment.
What am I to you then?
Studio decoration?I’m better than all those assholes.
Zeros, Blindy—every one of those walking disasters.You already got lucky.
You met ME.
Maybe I’m a little old… by your galactic standards.
But trust me…
In this little radio shop,
I’ll give you plenty of interesting nights on air.You won’t find a better partner, sweetie.”
[A short pause; you can hear him taking a sip of whiskey]“Alright… go on, play something already.
And let’s keep the show rolling.”
[Jackie, sweet, almost purring]“You want Butt Pimple, or something from Saga of Code?”
I can see it on your face…
you want something meaningful to close with, right?”
[Half-whisper, with a faint smile]“Destino Maldito™, from Saga of Code™,
performed by Los Desesperados™…My personal recording from the Gallo concert.
You know,
the one where different stars performed songs from the Saga.I was there… with millions of fans…”
[The song fades into applause;
the crowd slowly dies out, and Dick takes a deep sip of whiskey, exhales, and speaks]“Man… I didn’t understand a damn word.
Should’ve paid attention in Spanish class.
But hell… it hit.You can hear it right away.
It’s about something painful.
Something… real.”
[He taps the empty glass]“Next time, take me with you…
your old man…
to one of those concerts, alright?”
[Jackie nods, smiling. After a short pause, Dick leans back into the mic]“And now, before we sign off…
Just a reminder:
we told you everything we promised in week one.BUT we’ve got new badass arcs coming.
So don’t you dare skip next Sunday.And go re-listen to all episodes on ihatehumans.space on CosmoNet™.
Like it, comment, share this shit with whoever the hell you want.
We’re here for you, you brainless gremlins.See you next week.
Don’t die.”