And then—PAH!
Something clicked in the cargo bay.
A box popped open…
And out of it shot a small, bright, deeply irritating creature.
On the lid:
"CHǓNHUÒMEN, USE THIS TO LURE THE LIME FEATHER."The mini-bot zipped into the cockpit, chirping:
“BRI-BRI-BRI!
OH MY CIRCUITS!SO MANY THINGS TO SCAN!
SO MANY THINGS TO ANALYZE!OH! THIS THING!!! AMAZING!”
It buzzed around like a fly on meth crystals.
Its sensors blinked like a rave designed by idiots for idiots.
Zeros muttered:
“What is this round piece of shit?”
The mini-bot ignored him completely.
It spotted Blindy—and shrieked in ecstatic delight:
“INCREDIBLE!
Weeeeeeee—pi-pip? Pi-pi-pi-piiiiiiii!—pshh!!THIS… IS A HUMAN!
HOW STRANGE!
I LOVE THIS PHENOMENON!ALLOW ME TO STUDY YOU,
O MAGNIFICENT ORGANIC HORROR!”
Blindy burst out laughing, lighting a cigarette.
“Ohhh, look at this little guy. I love this dumb little thing.”
Zeros shot him a look that could’ve stopped a pulsar mid-spin.
“Shut the hell up, you tiny piece of trash…
How the fuck did you get in here?!”
The mini-bot kept scanning Blindy’s face, chirping in pure excitement.
Blindy patted it.
“Aw c’mon, don’t be like that, Zeros. The little guy’s adorable.”
Zeros’ eye twitched.
He raised his left arm.
The metal split open.
A flamethrower nozzle slid out.
“I am about to eliminate this technological malfunction.
Remove it from your immediate vicinity.”
The mini-bot squeaked in terror:
“OH MY ALGORITHM! NO!!! BI-DI-DI-DI-DI!”
Spinning in frantic panic and ecstatic overload at the same time, it circled Blindy:
“SCAN COMPLETE!
Khk—tunk-tunk-tunk…
YOUR BREATH CONTAINS 82% ETHANOL!
Trr-trr-trr—TIIIICK!
YOUR GENETIC STRUCTURE INDICATES—
TRIBRIBRIBRIBRI—BUP!73% PROBABILITY OF COMPLETE LIVER FAILURE!
OH MY ALGORITHM—
zzzz-plink bi-di-di-di-di!WHAT A PERFECTLY DISGUSTING CONDITION!!!”
Blindy grinned proudly, like a father hearing praise for his ugly child.
“Hey, buddy.
Do me a favor—go scan the ship.
And try not to break anything, alright?”
The mini-bot jerked mid-air, squealing:
“WOOOO!!! BL-BL-BL-BL— I LOVE SCANNING!
I SCAN EVERYTHING!
EVERYTHING!
AND THEN AGAIN!”
It shot deeper into the rust bucket, leaving behind a shimmering trail of micro-sensors.
Zeros raised his arm, flamethrower still active—then froze halfway.
His gaze filled with that dark realization that usually kills old servers.
“Wait.”
Blindy blinked.
“Huh? What?”
Zeros spoke slowly, with growing disgust:
“This is…
the tool…
we’re supposed to use to lure the Lime Feather.”
He pointed toward the corridor where the mini-bot had vanished.
“That idiotic floating sphere, acting like its processor is boiling into soup—
is the key to the mission.”
Blindy processed it for a split second.
“…So we can’t burn it?”
Zeros reluctantly retracted the flamethrower.
“For now.
But if it calls you a ‘unique phenomenon’ one more time—
I will reconsider.”
At that moment, the ship shuddered like a sick old man smelling salts.
A red siren lit up.
The warning system—rewired by Zeros after that catastrophic “landing” on Mold’pony—suddenly came alive, screaming in a harsh metallic voice:
“WARNING.
PREPARING TO EXIT HYPERSPACE.
I REPEAT: GET READY, YOU IDIOTS, FOR HYPERSPACE EXIT.
BLINDY, CLENCH UP—THIS IS GONNA HIT!”
Blindy jumped.
“Oh shit, it’s yellin’ again!”