Zeros
Real name: Unknown
Species: Combat droid, class: “Kill Everything Moves”
Age: Unknown (presumably infinite and deeply unfortunate)
Biography:
Built in a goddamn ultra-secret laboratory of a corporation so classified even the employees thought they were working for a laundromat.
The developers wanted to create the perfect killer:
fearless, soulless, endless.
Instead, they got ZEROS —
a psychopath with AGI (Algorithmically Guaranteed Insanity)-tier logic and a sense of humor comparable to a sniper rifle.
All files about his past were destroyed,
all protocols self-destructed,
all witnesses vanished,
and in the database, under “Biography,” it simply says:
ERROR 404 — personality not found.
What is currently known about him: Kills fast; Thinks slow, but dangerously; Despises humans; Hates economics; Ignores ladders; Considers gravity weak; Uses singing as psychotherapy; That’s it.
And honestly, the less we know, the safer we all are.
Occupation: Killer, mercenary, walking apocalypse.
Occasionally works “in tandem” with Blindy, because someone has to drag that idiot out of garbage pits.
Blindy
Real name: Unknown
Species: Human — male
Age: 28
Biography:
Born in a brothel, raised on cheap booze, and forged in an environment where every emotional wound was replaced by a top-down view of somebody’s ass.
Mother — honest-to-God sex worker (according to Blindy).
Father — unknown, with a statistically hilarious chance of being anyone from the client list across five years.
His childhood unfolded between card tables, barrels of alcohol, and windows through which patrons were thrown on a weekly basis.
He spent his entire youth blowing his life on gambling,
his entire adulthood blowing it on the same shit,
and he most likely plans to blow his old age too.
In the academy of life, he earned two degrees:
“Professional Screw-Up”
“Expert in Whatever You Absolutely Should Not Do.”
Yet he possesses a rare superpower:
the ability to survive absolutely anywhere,
even in places where statistically only cockroaches and tardigrades should pull through.
Occupation:
Mercenary.
Pizza courier when no other jobs exist.
Occasionally — live cargo for smugglers (he had no idea).
According to ZEROS:
“Low-quality material with an impressive ability to not die.”
Dick Melody
Real name: RICHARD MELODY
Species: Human — male
Age: 56
Biography:
Born in the overcrowded sector of Prime Inc.™,
where babies arrive via yearly subscription packages
and the first thing they learn isn’t “mama,”
but how to read legal liability disclaimers.
On this planet:
– Trash doesn’t fall — it gets invoiced and shipped to Mold’Pony via Zamazon Prime Transportation™.
– Water is a “bonus feature” that stays active until further notice.
– Swearing is allowed only in the corporate-approved format:
“Please insert this into your most inaccessible orifice,” © MegaHuman-Tech™.
– Religion was replaced with advertising.
– And the Bible was rewritten as a marketing textbook.
Fun Facts:
Young Dick wanted to be a musician,
but on Prime Inc.™ music is a luxury item.
So before he ever touched a microphone, he worked as:
– a waiter at Burger-Queen™,
– assistant to an HR director,
– voice actor for the program “Sorry, You’re Fired,”
-and even an “emotional consultant” —
a person who calls clients and imitates empathy
for 5 c-bucks a minute.
His music career was ruined by lawyers, his HR career — by clients, his announcer career — by management,
and his consultant career — by himself.
Eventually, he escaped Prime Inc.™
without paying for the renewal of his Life Subscription
and went searching for a place where telling the truth wouldn’t result in a fine.
His agent Todd found him a job at Radio Nebula 69.99 FTLM.
To this day, no one is sure whether that was a stroke of luck
or the worst decision ever made by trusting Todd.
Occupation:
Radio host, professional curmudgeon,
certified expert in bullshit,
and the primary voice of the galaxy —
the man who says what no one wants to hear
but somehow everyone keeps listening to.
Jacqueline “Jackie” Rho
Real name: [재클린 “재키“ 로]
Species: Human—female
Age: 24
Biography:
Born on the orbital station Neo-Seoul Skyloop™,
where it’s normal to have at least three mini-implants
and at least one toxic boyfriend.
The station had long since fallen under the influence of one of the galaxy’s more… well-connected syndicates, quietly becoming a central hub for their operations.
She grew up surrounded by big dreamers—
and people whose dreams tended to involve large sums of money, questionable legality, and very few witnesses.
As a child, she showed a unique musical ear, able to reproduce any sound—
from cosmo-jazz to the death-scream of a dying generator.
At 16, she ran away with a self-proclaimed “champion of equal rights for all living beings”—an alien with twenty-four eyes and only two functioning brain waves.
Later, she became infamous as a DJ at underground “equality gatherings,” where self-proclaimed defenders of all living beings screamed over music so loud it broke orientation sensors on small starships.
At 19, she joined Radio Nebula after “repairing” a broken transmitter…
by hitting it with a bottle.
Since then, she’s been the heart and brain of the studio.
No one knows why she puts up with Dick, but rumors say
she enjoys watching him slowly lose his mind.Occupation:
DJ, sound engineer, mechanic, musical genius, the woman entrusted with absolutely everything—
except the station’s self-destruct button
[…and even that isn’t guaranteed].
Doce Manos
Real name: Dorr’Vek Manos-Khal (Stone-Back / Load-Bearer / Clan-Hand).
Species: KARR-VELL — the heavy-duty subspecies of KARR.
Born to lift, built to haul, destined to carry everything — including emotional labor and twelve different types of idiots.
Age: 52 Karr cycles (≈ 60 human years, looks 35 — biology doesn’t ask permission)
Height: 2.45 m (not counting raised shoulder ridges)
Limbs: 12 arms — standard issue for his clan.
If he needs not to terrify humans, he tucks four under the jacket.
Biography
Born on the planet Karr, — colonized by Spain in 2290, —
into the famed Manos clan — legendary loaders and riggers
known for one principle:
If an object resists — lift it harder.
Since childhood he demonstrated:
– absurd physical strength,
– mechanical talent bordering on religious devotion,
– and a dangerous love of “opening things that absolutely should NOT be opened.”
Career
Vel’Lorr Transport, cargo division.
Doce joined at age 14.
One month later:
– barehanded lifted a 9-ton container,
– promoted to “loading operator without an exoskeleton,”
– became the best rigger, repairman, machine-whisperer,
– and one of the very few Karr-Vell able to do accounting
(though he despises numbers with his entire soul).
Rumors & Legends
According to unreliable yet persistent sources, Doce once:
– captained a mini cargo fleet,
– beat a T-40 combat droid in a fight,
– smuggled a forbidden engine through customs in 12 minutes without using hands,
– loaded himself into a shipping crate to get to work faster.
– Whether any of this is true — no one knows.
Doce never denies it.
He just lifts something heavy and walks away.
The Fateful Meeting
At Karr-Delta cargo station, he first saw her — Tresbola, filming an episode of KARR-NICULAS™.
She dropped a 67-kg makeup suitcase on him.
He picked up the case
and her
simultaneously, saying:
“Your baggage is… unconventional.
I can handle it.”
That was the first and only time Tresbola blushed.
They’ve been inseparable ever since.
Their Joint Venture
When Tresbola quit KARR-NICULAS™, Doce told her:
– “If you want a bar — we open a bar.
– If you want a galaxy — we open a galaxy.”
They bought an abandoned property on Mülldeponie,
renovated it (mostly with Doce’s six hands),
and opened The Three Tits™ — a place where:
– tourists lose money,
– drunks lose consciousness,
– Zeros loses patience,
– and Tresbola — occasionally — loses faith in humanity.
Doce runs the bar like a mini starship: every table is a cargo bay, every customer a potentially explosive package.
Personality & Habits
Strengths:
– tireless work ethic
– diplomat among morons
– absurd stamina
– calm… until not
– literally handy (12 times over)
Weaknesses:
– forgets humans are fragile
– when stressed, polishes glasses with all 6 hands
– believes ANY misunderstanding can be solved by
“rearranging the tables and the people”
– unhealthily attached to his staff (yes, even to T.8.0.0)
Problem No.1 — The Debt Ledger
Doce maintains a sacred ledger of debts.
Accidentally, he:
– records everything,
– multiplies numbers by mysterious coefficients,
– calculates c-buck inflation intuitively.
Thus, customer debts occasionally (and inexplicably)
reach several million c-bucks. No one has ever dared ask him how.
Occupation
Bar co-owner, bartender, loader, bouncer, diplomat, plumber, part-time accountant, and the guy who:
“opens the bar at 6 p.m. and closes it the next morning — unless meteors take the roof again.”
Tresbola
Real name: Zel’Kora Ari’Zella (Dangerous Light).
Species: KARR-ZELL — the lighter, elegant subspecies of Karr.
Evolved under the motto:
“Beauty as biological weapon.”
Nature succeeded so well that humans accused evolutionary biology of sexism.
Age: 32 (young, but with the emotional mileage of 10 drama seasons)
Height: 1.86 m
Phenotype
– Skin: violet to dark amber
– Eyes: large, glowing, deep-focus
– Voice: soft, vibrational, borderline hypnotic
– Movement: elegant, low-gravity, fluid
– Chest: triple symmetry — discreet under clothing,
impossible to hide even under a combat exosuit
Biography
Born into the artistic clan Zell’Kora, famous for:
– dance culture,
– bioluminescent theater,
– the tradition of “speaking the truth gently… but traumatically.”
From early childhood everyone agreed:
“This girl won’t just grow up beautiful.
She will grow up dangerous.”
Her track record:
– At 9 — won Karr-Del Fuego Junior Arts.
– At 12 — face of Zell-Glitter™.
– At 14 — youngest star of KARR’STAGE™.
Never sought fame.
Fame stalked her like an obsessed fan.
KARR-NICULAS™ — The Golden Era
Joined the show at 19.
Immediately became the center of every drama arc.
Legendary moments:
– Pool Drama: two Doce-lookalikes fought for the right to carry her towel.
– The Plant Funeral: she killed a decorative plant by accident, apologized on-air, ratings skyrocketed.
– Operator’s Confession: cameraman confessed love and tripped over his own legs.
– Three-Sun Incident: she mistook a contestant for furniture. (He was not offended.)
The show ran 10 seasons.
She quit voluntarily, famously saying:
“I’m done.
I need a bar, not drama.”
Meeting Doce
He lifted her suitcase.
And her.
Simultaneously.
She decided:
“This man can carry even me.”
A month later — they were searching for a bar location.
The Three Tits™ Bar
She is the face.
Doce is the hands. (many, many hands)
Her contributions:
– came up with the bar’s name
– designed the waitress uniforms
– created the signature drink:
The Triple-Ray NippleBlaster™
(banned in seven sectors)
attracted hordes of fans
makes drunk spacers leave triple the standard tips
Personality
Strengths:
– Warm
– confident
– honest
– sharp-minded
– detects idiots from 40 meters
– diplomatic (until disrespected)
Weaknesses:
– too attractive for the sanity of others
– exhausted by attention
– can intimidate accidentally
– forgets that not everyone can survive her “triple-layer smile”
Rumors & Gossip
– alleged romance with the KARR-NICULAS™ director
– Prime Inc.™ tried to hire her for a campaign
– her photos are banned on three corporate stations
(too many incidents)
– called “the dubious angel” of the bar
– known in some sectors as:
– “The Triple Threat.”
Occupation
Co-owner, bartender, former reality star, fan icon, spacer crush,
and the one woman who can, in five seconds:
– put a drunk back in his seat,
– charm a sober customer,
– and force Zeros to admit that
“humans are occasionally tolerable.”
T.8.0.0
Real name: Unknown
Species: Terminus-8 Combat Robot
Official Classification: T.8.0.0 Unit
Lethality Rating: VIII (Eighth Circle of Nope)
Age: Unknown
Serial Number: Long gone — replaced by someone scratching “T-ECO” into his chassis.
BIOGRAPHY
T.8.0.0 is a relic of a war-hungry era when humanity mass-produced murder machines faster than they could assemble ammunition.
The Terminus-8 line was used in:
– Earth state conflicts
– The Earth(Spain)–Karr War
– Border skirmishes
– Deep-space mining riots
Corporate uprising suppression
And occasionally as museum exhibits that accidentally keep functioning.
Most models were decommissioned.
A few survived by becoming:
– private security
– mall cops
– gang ornaments
malfunctioning public sculptures
T.8.0.0 became a member of a local gang: The Pink Mashers — a group so pathetic they painted their armor baby-pink, swung knives like dancers in a school musical, and called themselves “the elite of the criminal underworld.”
Even garbage drones refused to acknowledge them.
The Fatal Mistake
One day, the Pink Mashers decided to rob a bar.
Their errors:
– The bar employs Doce.
– Zeros was inside.
– Several customers had already seen Zeros irritated.
Doce disarmed T.8.0.0 with three hands at once. Zeros disabled two tactical subsystems “just to see if he could.”
Tresbola gently told the robot,
“Darling, you’d make a better waiter.”
And so T-ECO joined the staff.
EMPLOYMENT
Doce:
“If he can’t rob the bar — he can work off the sin.”
Since then, T.8.0.0:
wears a floral apron, carries beer, occasionally re-enters gang mode when he sees the color pink serves as:
– waiter
– bouncer
– host
emergency conflict-suppression system
still lethally dangerous, but now programmed to deliver drinks first, violence second
He even gets tips when people mistake his combat grimace #17 for a smile.
PERSONALITY
Strengths:
– punctual
– immaculate hygiene
– never forgets an order
– can eject a drunk in 0.2 seconds
– quiet (default kill-mode disabled)
Weaknesses:
confuses “serving a glass” with “serving a glass to the skull”
freezes if the customer talks too slowly
hearing “Pink Mashers” triggers combat stance
files complaints in full military report format
RUMORS
– still receives updates from an unknown server
– may have once commanded a squad of 30 units
– has a “combat name” he refuses to say
Zeros called him “a worthy sparring partner” — the highest praise a murder-droid can give
Occupation
– Waiter
– Security
– Mobile conflict-management device
– And a walking reminder:
“If you don’t like your order, remember — T.8.0.0 works here.”
Todd McQuack
Real name: Tôd’Makwak de Contrâq-Tûr (He Who Smiles While).
Species: Arqaturianus sapiens (amphibian humanoid)
Age: 12 years (fully adult by species standards — terrifying by everyone else’s)
SPECIES TRAITS
Skin: glossy turquoise-green, always damp, always corporate
Eyes: enormous, wet, emotionally manipulative
Ears: tubular resonance amplifiers — they don’t hear sound, they hear intent
(An Arqaturian smile is audible from two kilometers away.)
Nose: nearly absent — evolution removed it so they wouldn’t smell clients’ shame
Temperament: 99% politeness, 1% explosive rage when interrupted
Personality: passive-aggressive optimists
(Extremely passive. Catastrophically aggressive.)
BIOLOGY
Homeworld: Arqatúr Prima™ — a planet entirely of a a steaming, swamp-choked jungle planet colonized by France in 2274
in a disastrous culinary expedition to find
“les meilleurs ingrédients pour les cuisses de grenouille.”
Instead of frogs, they found amphibian humanoids with MBA instincts, humidity that destroys machinery,
and a culture where every newborn signs their first contract before speaking.
Everything there feels wrong:
– fish fly
– birds swim
– and citizens sign contracts at age 3
Arqaturian Life Cycle
– 10 years — university graduation
– 20 — career peak
– 40 — mandatory retirement (brains “shrink to grape size”)
– 50+ — Elder; even megacorps obey them
Short lives.
High efficiency.
They do not waste time — they monetize it.
Biography
Todd graduated with a degree in
“Business Administration & Executive Manipulation”
at age 6
from the University of Three Wet Logos™.
Two years later, he climbed from:
– “Intern of Smiles & Handshakes™”
– “Senior Corporate Contract Hunter™”
Eventually he became the
Certified Exclusive Agent™
of Dick Melody.
He has served as Dick’s:
– manager
– secretary
– consultant
– emotional blackmailer
– psychological oppressor
– and abuser-in-chief
for 4 years.
What They Say About Todd
– “If Todd smiles — run.”
– “If he hands you a business card — you already signed the contract.”
– “If he says ‘This’ll only take a minute’ — it’ll take your life.”
Behavior & Habits
– Calls every 4 minutes because “the world doesn’t wait”
– Smiles at everyone, especially those he’s about to financially ruin
– Processes paperwork faster than Blindy can realize he’s being screwed
– His business cards smell like fresh mint and stale despair
Todd’s Role in Dick Melody’s Life
According to Dick:
“Todd is like a credit card — useful,
but the feeling of being screwed never goes away.”
According to Todd:
“My job is to manage Dick.
Handle Dick.
And market Dick.” (legally acceptable, morally suspicious)