— VJOOM-BAM-TUDUM! —[cosmo-jazz jingle that sounds like it was recorded inside a leaky bucket]“Alright, pal, we’re taking a short break.
Normally this is where an ad should play, but…
there’s no ad.Screw it.
So here’s some trashy music—
just enough noise to make your brain twitch a little
and maybe relax after all this cosmic bullshit.And hey, if anyone out there wants to place a commercial insert—
contact the greedy bastard
who forces me to tell this story.
Maybe he’ll finally raise my pay.Hold up.
Jackie just handed me a text I am REQUIRED to read.
What the hell?.. Fine.
I’ll read it with the straightest brick-face I can manage.”
“ATTENTION: THE BOSS ACCEPTS BEER, C-BUX, AND EMOTIONAL VALIDATION.”
“And, for fuck’s sake, there’s a postscript:”
‘No damn ads for toothpaste, face cream, or beauty products.
And no baby diapers—wrong audience.
Beer only, AI tools for generating pictures and memes, and banks that give loans.’
“…Who the hell wrote this shitty list?
Suspiciously similar to Todd‘s style.Anyway, pal.
Sit back,
and enjoy this lovely noise someone insisted on calling ‘music.’
Jackie, I’m gonna go fire Todd real quick…”
[…after music break…]“Alright, pal… break’s over.
The music’s done, and so are all my nerves.Congrats to everyone who survived that track.
If your brain feels mildly twisted
and your hangover suddenly vanished—
that means Jackie picked the right song.Now then…
where were we?Ah, yes.
The story of two beings who, by every law of logic, morality,
and basic common sense,
should never exist anywhere near each other.But since space doesn’t run on logic
and my now-fired agent’s skull is emptier than a vacuum,
nothing goes the way it should.So…
We arrive at the only “nice” place by Dumsta standards.
The best bar in the crappiest town
on the crappiest planet in the entire sector.A place where dreams die faster than the customers.”